CareerBuilder.com releases list of most unbelievable excuses employees have used to call in sick:

The Most Unbelievable Excuses for Calling In Sick
When asked to share the most dubious excuses employees have given for calling in sick, employers reported hearing the following real-life examples:

1. Employee just put a casserole in the oven.
2. Employee’s plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some "tweaking" to get it just right.
3. Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.
4. Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
5. Employee woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it.
6. Employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was.
7. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.
8. Employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
9. Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
10. Employee accidentally got on a plane.

Playing Hooky…or Playing with Fire?
Though the majority of employers give their employees the benefit of the doubt, 31 percent say they have checked to see if an employee was telling the truth in one way or another. Among employers who have checked up on an employee who called in sick, asking to see a doctor’s note was the most popular way to find out if the absence was legit (66 percent), followed by calling the employee (49 percent). As many as 15 percent of employers went the extra mile (quite literally) and drove past the employee’s house.
Nearly 1 in 5 employers (18 percent) say they have fired an employee for calling in sick with a fake excuse.
Tweet Revenge
Some workers have inadvertently busted themselves online. One in four employers (24 percent) have caught an employee lying about being sick by checking social media. Of those, 22 percent have actually fired the employee, but 54 percent were more forgiving, only reprimanding the employee for the lie. Read the rest here

First of all, #6 seems like a totally legit excuse. Who hasn't woken up in some strangers bed with no idea where you are geographically. #4 also seems like a valid reason, can't break that hot streak!

The real story here though is the effort employers go through to catch fakers. Driving past the employee's house? That's like psycho ex-girlfriend behavior. And who are the idiots getting caught on social media? If you call in sick it's probably not a good idea to go on facebook and brag about it. If you're calling in sick to go do something, maybe don't upload the pictures to instagram until the weekend.

Little boy yells at his mom for getting preggo

This kid gets it. So young and even he can realize his parents only have a limited amount of time/money to spend on him and he already has to share that with his little brother.

The World Cup

The world cup is finally over, which means we can finally stop talking about soccer.

America really jumped on the world cup bandwagon, causing many to proclaim that "soccer has arrived!" in the US but I doubt it will take much more than a few months before we've all forgotten about it.

Pro soccer in the US is largely thought of as uninteresting. It is hard to argue with the low scoring and constant diving. However, I think I have determined how we can fix soccer and make it watchable:

1. Offsides

Offsides in soccer is fucking bullshit. See my sweet diagram:

In every other sport (basketball, hockey, even football in a way) this would be an awesome play. The offense (X) beats the defender to get into scoring position. In soccer, you can't pass to a player who is past the forward most defender or something like that.
I would change it to be more like hockey with an offensive zone, maybe even a shot clock.

2. Play Lacrosse instead.

Lacrosse is like an awesome hybrid of soccer and hockey. Some leagues even allow fighting. In the pros they have a shot clock. That makes it fast with lots of shots and lots of hitting.
Maybe if you played lacrosse with a soccer ball...

Waste Management Open

Today I will be attending the Waste Management Phoenix Open at TPC Scottsdale. I've never been to a PGA event before but I expect it should be a good time, especially after it's been described as "the drunkest tournament of the PGA season"

Pics and updates later today/tomorrow. For real time updates follow me on twitter @newnaughty

Can someone make sense of what is going on here?

One of my friends from NH just sent me this video of a cop pushing a car through an intersection in the snow. I can't figure out how to upload the video since it was sent on facebook but this screen shot pretty much tells the whole story.

Lacrosse announcer reinvents the announcing game

Click here to see the video because I can't be bothered to embed it

The other announcer at the end sums it up best: "I don't know what was more impressive, that goal or that call"

P.S. How about the pass that set up that goal. Just wide open.