CareerBuilder.com releases list of most unbelievable excuses employees have used to call in sick:

The Most Unbelievable Excuses for Calling In Sick
When asked to share the most dubious excuses employees have given for calling in sick, employers reported hearing the following real-life examples:

1. Employee just put a casserole in the oven.
2. Employee’s plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some "tweaking" to get it just right.
3. Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.
4. Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
5. Employee woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it.
6. Employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was.
7. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.
8. Employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
9. Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
10. Employee accidentally got on a plane.

Playing Hooky…or Playing with Fire?
Though the majority of employers give their employees the benefit of the doubt, 31 percent say they have checked to see if an employee was telling the truth in one way or another. Among employers who have checked up on an employee who called in sick, asking to see a doctor’s note was the most popular way to find out if the absence was legit (66 percent), followed by calling the employee (49 percent). As many as 15 percent of employers went the extra mile (quite literally) and drove past the employee’s house.
Nearly 1 in 5 employers (18 percent) say they have fired an employee for calling in sick with a fake excuse.
Tweet Revenge
Some workers have inadvertently busted themselves online. One in four employers (24 percent) have caught an employee lying about being sick by checking social media. Of those, 22 percent have actually fired the employee, but 54 percent were more forgiving, only reprimanding the employee for the lie. Read the rest here

First of all, #6 seems like a totally legit excuse. Who hasn't woken up in some strangers bed with no idea where you are geographically. #4 also seems like a valid reason, can't break that hot streak!

The real story here though is the effort employers go through to catch fakers. Driving past the employee's house? That's like psycho ex-girlfriend behavior. And who are the idiots getting caught on social media? If you call in sick it's probably not a good idea to go on facebook and brag about it. If you're calling in sick to go do something, maybe don't upload the pictures to instagram until the weekend.

Little boy yells at his mom for getting preggo

This kid gets it. So young and even he can realize his parents only have a limited amount of time/money to spend on him and he already has to share that with his little brother.

The World Cup

The world cup is finally over, which means we can finally stop talking about soccer.

America really jumped on the world cup bandwagon, causing many to proclaim that "soccer has arrived!" in the US but I doubt it will take much more than a few months before we've all forgotten about it.

Pro soccer in the US is largely thought of as uninteresting. It is hard to argue with the low scoring and constant diving. However, I think I have determined how we can fix soccer and make it watchable:

1. Offsides

Offsides in soccer is fucking bullshit. See my sweet diagram:

In every other sport (basketball, hockey, even football in a way) this would be an awesome play. The offense (X) beats the defender to get into scoring position. In soccer, you can't pass to a player who is past the forward most defender or something like that.
I would change it to be more like hockey with an offensive zone, maybe even a shot clock.

2. Play Lacrosse instead.

Lacrosse is like an awesome hybrid of soccer and hockey. Some leagues even allow fighting. In the pros they have a shot clock. That makes it fast with lots of shots and lots of hitting.
Maybe if you played lacrosse with a soccer ball...

Waste Management Open

Today I will be attending the Waste Management Phoenix Open at TPC Scottsdale. I've never been to a PGA event before but I expect it should be a good time, especially after it's been described as "the drunkest tournament of the PGA season"

Pics and updates later today/tomorrow. For real time updates follow me on twitter @newnaughty

Can someone make sense of what is going on here?

One of my friends from NH just sent me this video of a cop pushing a car through an intersection in the snow. I can't figure out how to upload the video since it was sent on facebook but this screen shot pretty much tells the whole story.

Lacrosse announcer reinvents the announcing game

Click here to see the video because I can't be bothered to embed it

The other announcer at the end sums it up best: "I don't know what was more impressive, that goal or that call"

P.S. How about the pass that set up that goal. Just wide open.

So the Red Sox won. Boston is sure to be a fucking mad house tonight. I heard the president was there today too? Strangely no one gave a shit, even the local papers barely mentioned it:

Anyways the game was actually pretty great, which should mean something coming from someone that regularly compares watching baseball to watching paint dry. Yet for me the victory was somewhat soured by the Bruins losing. I didn't watch much of that game since I was watching the Red Sox but it seems like it could have been much worse if it wasn't for Rask. He kept knocking them away but they would get rebound after rebound. The Bruins were outshot 23 to 31. Some great plays but obviously not their best performance. Too bad since a win in Pittsburgh would have made the win in Boston that much sweeter. Good thing its only the beginning of the season!

Bruins win, Red Sox win, Celtics win.

Great night to be a Boston fan.

Maybe not such a great night to be Loui Eriksson:

NewNaughty:West

This weekend I am moving into a new place in Scottsdale, AZ. I know this site has kinda been put on the back burner the last few months but now I think its time to revamp the site and start anew as NewNaughty:West

It won't be long until another one of the original NewNaughty members will be moving to LA to pursue his dreams so I think over time we should have a good variety of stories from AZ and LA. Hopefully with the occasional Boston story mixed in.

Hockey season has started which means you can probably expect some Bruins talk as well but that depends on how much time I spend actually watching the games instead of just getting drunk and playing GTA V.

Last Night We Went Out In New Hampshire And...

Me: Why did we come here, this place sucks.
Batman: Because this where everyone our age hangs out, it's like a college bar.
Me: Well is it a gay college bar? Because there is a lot of dudes here.

I've noticed alot of girls have gotten into relationships towards the end of 2012. Well I am going to make a prediction: 90% of relationships that started between August and February will be done by July.

1 1/2 oz 151 proof rum
2 - 3 dashes Tabasco sauce

Build ingredients in a shot glass, and serve.

Sounds scary.
It's called a prairie dog; some girl recommended this shot to me on facebook but I've yet to find anyone with a stomach strong enough to try it with me. 

This got me thinking about other shots I've never tried:

Feeling Canadian? How about a 'Moose Fart':

1 part Absolut vodka
1 part Crown Royal Canadian whiskey
1 part Kahlua coffee liqueur
1 part Bailey's Irish cream

Be careful when ordering this next one, the bartender might take it the wrong way:

Sit On My Face 

1/3 oz Kahlua coffee liqueur
1/3 oz Frangelico hazelnut liqueur
1/3 oz Bailey's Irish cream

Burning Nazi

1/2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
1/2 oz Rumple Minze peppermint liqueur

 What's your favorite shot? Write on our wall at https://www.facebook.com/inspiredbyliving

Diet Mixers

All the media this morning has been talking about a new study from Northern Kentucky University. The study is to be published in a journal called "Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research," which really should be the title of my memoirs.

The study consisted of 16 young men and women who were given either Smirnoff mixed with Squirt, Smirnoff mixed with diet Squirt, or a placebo drink. I was under the impression that they didn't even sell Squirt anymore but apparently NKU had a couple cans they really needed to get rid of, or maybe they were just trying to find the most obscure mixer possible (they would have used Tab but they wanted something that didn't have caffeine).

The conclusion of the study was that "[a]t all times, the amount of alcohol measured in the volunteers’ breath was higher among those whose cocktails included diet drinks. And while the participants never reached the legal limit when they drank sugared soda with alcohol, they exceeded the safe limit for driving within 40 minutes if they had the diet cocktail." They also said the diet Squirt group apparently didn't feel any more drunk but performed worse at tasks, so diet mixers can be trouble...

 

WARNING: diet mixers may lead to waking up next to her.

Miss America Contestant Says Marijuana Should Only Be Legal For "Recreational Use and Health Care"

During the 2013 Miss America pageant. Miss Iowa was asked about marijuana to which she responded, "I personally know people who have had to go to medical marijuana for their last resort, for their health care and I completely agree with that, However, I don't think it should be used for anything but recreational use and health care."

I'm still trying to figure out what that might exclude...

Like Vegas, but with more booze...

For those of you that have never played craps, [from wikipedia:] "Each round has two phases: Come Out and Point. To start a round, the shooter makes one or more Come Out rolls. A Come Out roll of 2, 3 or 12 (called Craps, the shooter is said to 'crap out') ends the round with players losing their Pass Line bets. A Come Out roll of 7 or 11 (a Natural) results in a win for Pass Line bets. The shooter continues to make Come Out rolls until he rolls 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, or 10, which number becomes the Point. The dealer then moves an On button to the point number signifying the second phase of the round. If the shooter rolls the point number, the result is a win for bets on the Pass Line. If the shooter rolls a seven (a Seven-out), the pass line loses and the round ends."

I have decided that this can easily become a drinking game, and the best part is that all you need are a couple of dice. However, some might find the rules slightly complicated so let me lay it out as simply as I can:

Player roles two dice. If the result is 2, 3, or 12, the player loses and must drink. If the result is 7 or 11, the player wins and can pass out one drink to another player. If a point is rolled (4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10) it must be repeated before a 7 is thrown in order to win. In other words, the player must reroll until they get what they originally rolled, or a 7. In this case a 7 is a lose and the player must drink; rolling the same number as the first role is a win and the player can pass out one drink.


I think that this game will be alot of fun, not to mention a quick way to get drunk, so make sure to tell your friends! 

A recent observation

Usually when a group of guys is planning on heading to a house party they will try to bring a group of girls with them to increase their chances of getting in. Once inside, however, it is not uncommon for the guys to separate so they can try and meet other girls. Girls have a similar strategy. They might bring a few guys with them to a party or even a bar, but for a much different reason. A girl's biggest fear when going out is being relentlessly hit on by an overbearing and creepy guy. An effective way of preventing this is by having guy friends standing right next to them. This may make it sound like they are trying to be unapproachable and therefore you shouldn't even attempt to talk to them but the important thing to remember is this: while any hot girl will not have a hard time finding a guy to hit on her, there is always a shortage of GOOD guys. If you are out and you see a girl or girls who are hanging out with guys, you should remain confident and introduce yourself. Next, you'll want to make sure that the girl actually is single, and many times you will find the guy is just there as a friend. Then it's just a matter of turning on the charm. From here, there are two ways you can go: the first, is to separate the girl you're interested in from her friends so you can talk to her in private. This approach can be risky because you may find her group of friends will come back to cockblock you and take her away. The better approach is to keep the conversation focused on her so that she picks up on your intentions but keep her friends involved enough such that they begin to like you as well thus making them more likely to let her leave with you. Guys bring girls to parties to help them get in. Girls bring guys to parties for protection. When poorly executed, this may lead to no one meeting anyone. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU.

"go"

(this story actually occurred a few months ago but I started writing it right after it happened...) Last night me and my friend came up with an awesome new game. We were drinking at my house, playing beer pong and chatting with some of the neighbors. Then one of my friends decides we should go out downtown. Its already pretty late at this point, and I was not exactly sober, but I reluctantly agree and we walk downtown. We know one of the bouncers at one of the bars in downtown Lowell so that's usually the place we end up, and this night was no exception. We walk in and go get a couple drinks, but I wasn't even that interested in drinking (like I said, we already had been drinking all night), I really just wanted to talk to girls. In order to help things along I turn to my friend and try to encourage him with a challenge: who can get the most numbers. He agrees so I say, "go" and walk away. The first girl I tried to talk to informed me that she had a boyfriend so I left her alone. I went to the dance floor and asked the second girl to dance. She was down but her friend swoops in with her palm held in front of her and pushes me away. Fuck it, I'm not discouraged. I head over to a different part of the bar and go up to the third girl. She was apparently on her way out but I stopped her, introduced myself, and got her to talk to me long enough to get her number before she had to leave and catch up with her friends. The funniest part of the whole interaction wasn't even me talking to the girl; as she started walking away I was still putting her number in my phone and some random d00d that was watching the whole thing just looks at me in awe. I looked up at him, smiled, said, "that's all it takes..." then walked away to go find my friend. The lesson I got out of this is that the keys to success are persistence and confidence. And it really is true in all aspects of life. If you don't let failure get you down and believe what you're saying, people will listen to you.

CEOS AND OFFICE HOES may be my new favorite theme. But maybe that's just because I love dressing up. Last friday we celebrated my roommates and one of our good friend's birthdays. It was pretty last minute, at least compared to most newnaughty parties. We only came up with the idea the weekend before (though I really should say 'we', I had surprisingly little to do with the planning this time) but we had a great turn out. It wasn't quite as packed as the back to school party, which was good because that meant you could actually walk around. We did have to kick out a few kids who failed to show up in proper attire, but they never gave me any trouble and, in fact, everyone who attended was really cool. I had such a great time, there is a very good chance we will have another party with this theme. In the mean time, I'm thinking about throwing a blacklight party for my birthday which is coming up in a few weeks. We did that last year and it was amazing. So keep an eye out for more details about that. We also just started work on a newnaughty podcast so stay tuned cause that will be out soon.

Back2School Party

Thanks so much to everyone who came to our 2nd annual Back2School party for helping us kick off the new party season with style. For those of you who weren't there, here's what happened: Up front we had DJ Justin Loranger start setting things off around 9:30. My roommates and I tapped the keg and started things off with some Beruit in the kitchen. By 10:30, confident and I had been on the table for 6 straight wins, our place was packed, and we had gone through 50 cups. As in, 50 people had them. We quickly started to realize that 1 keg wouldn't be enough. In Massachusetts you can only buy beer until 11pm so confident ran out with someone who actually was sober enough to drive to go pick up another one. And it was a good thing we did because the first keg was empty by the time they got back! I spent the rest of the night meeting new people and I'm happy to say there was alot of great people here. Nobody ended up getting into fights or being rude really at all. We'd been talking about renting out a venue for a party/event and this night was a perfect example of why we need to. Our place was packed, we had to even start turning people away, and that started earlier than I expected. The entire night was crazy, but i mean that in the best way. We emptied 2 kegs, a handful of bottles, and w/e else people ended up bringing. I started losing my voice around the end of the night and I still haven't fully recovered, so hopefully I'll be over that by this weekend, and lets hope that this set's the pace for the rest of the school year, because I know everyone had a blast. Make sure to like us on facebook because our future parties will probably be limited to invite only, and that's the only way to get on the list! facebook.com/inspiredbyliving

Well I was hoping to have an awesome video post today but apparently I don't have the right cable so we're gonna have to settle for just text: We've got a great situation right now. We now live right next to both a sorority and a fraternity. And big shout out to both of them because weve been having a blast partying with them. Last night the fraternity was throwing a party and just had way too many people so they were turning people away by 10pm. My roommate and I are walking past there house coming back from the store and they stop us and offer up the idea of us throwing a sort of overflow party. So my roommate jumps in a car with them to go get a keg, while I start bringing some people from off the street up to our place. By the time they got back with the keg our place was packed to the point that we had to start turning people away and they started a third party in the basement. It was definitely pretty crazy, and I got to meet a lot of new girls. This saturday is our back to school party and I have no doubts that it is gonna be sick, so make sure you're there! As soon as that party is over well be planning our next one so if you have a request for a theme leave a comment.